From monastery corridors to Lake Como, a journey of sisterhood, shibari, and play in Italy.
What happens when dominatrixes come together off the clock? Laughter, creativity, rope, sisterhood — and a reminder that women working together and collaborating is as subversive as it is beautiful.
Introduction
What happens when you bring together a group of talented dommes for a new days of blissful relaxation, content creation and good times? Read on and find out.
Sometimes I write about what it feels like to be a Sex Worker, what I love about this work, and what motivated me to become a kinky companion. Sisterhood. That word that most speaks to it. But it could also be mothers, daughters, friends, co-workers, collaborators. But something in the word sisterhood says it most clearly.
Sisterhood
We help each other. Yes. That is direct help. And it is a part antidote to living in a society that has been written for and by men. But there is something even more important about collaborating and community. Together, in silence, we just breathe. We are allowed to breathe. Allowed to exist. Allowed to be kind to each other without any external pressure. It is profoundly healing, and women everywhere live on it.
Every woman comes to feel the difference when working with women. Competition fades. There is a creative spirit, a sharing of ideas and energy. A process which is stripped of ego.
It can happen that sometimes a leader emerges, or someone seeks to or ends up in a dominant role. For us, this was not the case. We all contributed ideas and willingly explored the edges.
And the result was some of the most wonderfully whimsical and dramatic images I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of.
“Together, in silence, we just breathe. We are allowed to exist.”
Shooting in a Monastery
Shooting in a working monastery was a peak life experience. And for the religious among you, as you can see we were all well, and respectfully dressed. We largely kept our whips and canes out of site.
We were all nervous shooting in working monastery and having been there before, was floored by how many tourists were present on that day. Usually the place is deserted. And of course we didn’t want to scoop any one from the general public in our shots, or interfere with their quietly contemplative experiences.
But what of the weird man that followed us around and stared at us because, well, we were four gorgeous women trailed by a photographer? Or the two men we had to tell to stop filming us. Is there no limit to the sense of entitlement and grossness of men? I mean, my goodness, in a monastery for heaven’s sake!
We all were relieved when we left. It had been a stressful experience, and as we were all wearing long black gowns, and it was sweltering hot, it was a double relief to hop into an air-conditioned car and bee-line down to the shores of Lago Maggiore and enjoy a bit of a breeze.
Special thanks to Mr Gri for keeping his cool and catching the magic despite the heat and the stares.
Pinterest Boards and Play
As we ruminated over the experience, we discussed having been accosted by a member of staff who had been more concerned about whether it was a commercial shoot or for personal use. That is a situation where no matter what you say that is truthful—‘oh its just for our social media’ is sure to raise eyebrows.
“We were all dressed super-respectfully,” I said.
“Says the woman wearing a black gauze dress that was see-through,” quipped Mistress Kitty.
“Well, I was wearing a trench coat over it.”
“When you were wearing it.” It’s true. I did let it drop from time to time. But who doesn’t want to see a bit of leg in a sexy shot?
“Who doesn’t want to see a bit of leg in a sexy shot?”
R.I.P. to the Patriarchy (@mrgri.photo photo credit)
When it was all set that we were going to do this: gather in Italy for a shoot, we set up some Pinterest boards to share ideas. The oohing and aahing amongst us as we reacted to our respective posts was priceless. My favourite was when Agent Porter posted a shot to our collective Pinterest of a woman having her hair pulled and drinking water.
“I love this one,” she noted.
“That’s a picture of me!” @ca.aitlin said.
Mistress Kitty shared a photo of a row of women slurping on spaghetti, and it took hold. The next thing we knew we had a photographer we hadn’t originally planned on driving down to shoot with us. Thanks Konrad! It always helps when a photographer sees your vision.
And the next thing you know, so it was. A good boy climbed up onto the table and became our serving platter, while we all slurped away and another good boy gimp ground salt. There was a beautifully organic and chaotic energy that enveloped us, a bit like a chaotic house party.
“A good boy climbed up onto the table and became our serving platter, while we all slurped away.”
And cheers to Mary, Agent Porter, Caitlin, and Kitty for throwing themselves into every silly, sensual, and surreal moment — you made magic possible.
Italian Mamas (@jkonradscchmidt Photo Credit)
Wild West Whimsy
Mary’s talents as a scenographer and photographer in her own right came to the fore in the wild west scene we created with a good boy on his knees. Caitlin hopped into the saddle and the rest of us just ad-libbed having been told where to be to frame a nice shot.
“Do you have a particular idea with this shot?” Mistress Kitty asked.
“No, I just thought it would fun,” I said.
Lingerie and Cowboy Boots (@templeofmary Photo Credit)
Some of my favourite movies of all time were Diva and Betty Blue, both by Jean-Jacques Beineix. There is a raw, passionate, and sexual energy in Betty Blue. A woman who is too much. And in Diva there is a passage through an elevator which symbolises the little death of Creation in a Materialistic World. Binding two submissive men, blindfolding them and putting them in a predicament situation in a confined space, was a perfect foil to our own liberation as women, as Sex Workers.
And Mary — your eye and instincts turned chaos into beauty. Thank you for being both muse and mastermind.
Diva: Creation and Materialism (@jkonradschmidt photo credit)
Rope and Connection
Shibari, the art of Japanese Rope Bondage, is one of my favourite ways to play. The more I do it the less I feel I know, but the journey is beautiful and one I am dedicated to. If you are curious about rope and reading this and are FLINTA, and want to be in my rope, do reach out. I won’t bite. At least not without consent.
“You don’t tie like other people,” said Caitlin.
No. I don’t. My teachers are all women. And my journey began in submission.
Deep thanks to Caitlin for trusting me in rope again and again — your grace and courage in front of the lens is its own kind of art.
Here is one of the shots which resulted.
Taking Flight in Rope (photo and credit by @MxValentina)
Lake Como Adventures
An absolute highlight of our time together was time out on an old restored Riva on Lago di Como. We had barely left the dock when the talented and enthusiastic Mr Gri was trying to maintain his balance standing on the roof of the boat while we tore around and all posed for shots, reels, videos.
It was a lovely series of moments which included whip-cracking and the divine echo of the sound across the Lake, a visit to the Orrido di Nesso, a vertiginous waterfall which attracts summer swimmers, and lapping in the limpid waters behind the Isola Comacina and the Villa Balbaniello (you will have seen it in the James Bond Film Skyfall).
When we all took our tops off, the very, very tan boatman was visibly red.
“We hope you don’t mind,” we said as he was asked to put his camera phone away.
“I’ve seen it all before,” he boasted. We laughed at that. He was shaking his head in disbelief — marvellous. You could just imagine him back with his homeys saying, “you won’t believe what happened to me today.” I think we gave him a life of memories. He gave us so much extra time out on the lake that the boat’s owner rang him to ask what was taking so long. A real gem of a man.
Some of the portraits that Mr Gri pulled out are pure magic and I encourage you to watch our respective feeds, particularly for the shots of Mistress Kitty, Temple of Mary, and House of Porter from the inside of the boat. The light is pure magic.
Caitlin in the driver’s seat was priceless. And of course, there was rope. I know that it is fashionable and beautiful to see these complex and artful ties. I love them too. But in my practice, I like to work with just one rope best of all. There is something personal and immediate in it, and when we are not spending so much time thinking about knots and frictions, but just in connecting to each other, model to rigger, real beauty has a chance to emerge.
After I had finished tying Caitlin for a shot, Agent Porter said, “I’d like you to tie me now. I want you to fuck me up.” She knows that I am gentle and as we have both tied one another before, we have body and limit knowledge that only comes from shared experience. Tying Agent Porter on the roof of a Riva while we drifted lazily in front of Villa Balbaniello was a peak life experience. It’s why I tie.
“We gave him a life of memories. He gave us extra time on the lake.”
And to Mr. Gri — thank you for climbing roofs, dangling over edges, and catching our laughter in golden light. Your portraits are pure magic.
Cowboy hat Shibari (@mrgri.photo Photo Credit)
Closing Moments
Sadly, all good things have an arc and come to an end.
When I think back about the lived consequences of surrendering the keys to the patriarchy — enduring a year of surgery and recovery, a lifelong commitment to hormone injections, rediscovering my body and brain as if in a second puberty — it can feel immense. But in moments like these, surrounded by laughter and sisterhood, I know it was worth it.
For me, these adventures with my sisters are more than photoshoots. They are rituals of joy, little rebellions against patriarchy, and proof of what happens when women create together. This is the diary I want to keep: not only the work, but the magic, the laughter, and the sisterhood that sustains it all.
And maybe, if you’re very lucky, you’ll find yourself in the next diary entry — holding rope, or carrying pepper, or blushing like our boatman.
Shots of Mistress Kitty climbing the stairs, of Mary in the window, and all of us just savouring a beautiful sunset (photo credits @mrgri.photo and Domina Valentina @mxvalentinafd)
An Invitation
If you are here, something in you has already responded.
This is not casual booking, and it is not for everyone. I work with people who are curious, intelligent, and willing to take responsibility for what they want.
Those who wish to work with me do not request. They present themselves.
Begin here.
About Me
Mx Valentina is a feminist dominatrix, a trans and intersex woman, whose practice centres on ethical power exchange and the conditions under which lives reorganise themselves around purpose rather than shame. Her work is selective and relational, grounded in the belief that submission is not a role to be played but an orientation that must already be present. She works only with those who understand that access is conditional and authority is not negotiated. You can find my scholarly feminist writing on Substack and lighter pieces on Medium.
