I have had more communication with my soon-to-be-ex wife in the last 24 hours than over the past two years. I can only hope that she wishes to avoid a trial. But she is proposing to me things I have asked for…such a different stance than before.
There is this sense of everything falling into place. Not with a click or anything so fixed, but rather a fluid fitting. People, threads, experiences, learning.
I have many teachers. In all aspects of my life. If the billboard above them reads “who you are as a woman” it would encapsulate all the threads: dominatrix, mommy, mother, father, vestigial masculine (preserving those aspects which are divine), and leaning heavily into the Divine Feminine.
I am thinking now of one of the teachers who does not represent a single thread, which are in me, but is a teacher I have found who is drawing together multiple threads. I have begun a formal mentorship with her, which should last a year. My year of living free.
This mentor is and has been many things in life. I approached her mostly because what she does now is what I do, only she is ahead of me in skill and experience. She is teaching me about finding my essence, pulling on the threads of rope bondage, meditation, yoga, tantric touch, tantric philosophy and living, and also domination. In one of those examples of serendipity, I had been following her for two years, never approaching, just looking at what she was up to from time to time, admiring her work. But then, when I did approach and ask if she would take me on as a student, she organized for us to speak the very next day.
We live on opposite ends of the earth, and our paths also never overlap, and yet, they do. The universe is funny that way. By sheer chance, we would be in the same city at the same time, just a few weeks later. We planned to begin in-person over a weekend which would see us together for the first time. And so it has continued. She is active on the FMTY world, as am I. And weirdly, serendipitously, she and I have a largely synced set of forward travel plans.
Meeting her and working with her has been amazing. We explored my submission, which felt a bit weird in the sense that she is not to be my domme, but had a session anyway. She said “I can’t teach you unless I have felt you in submission.” The approach also confirmed my choice. She is teaching me through my own submission how we find our own dominance, and then the space to hold others.
It is through my own submission that my dominance grows.
NB: Nobody should ever understand that statement as one which would see me submitting to a client. That is a world which is exclusively granted to my mentors and to those I love.
Being with her did require me to go through a process. Sharing about my inner world, what made me tick, all to help her curate a session. I was very open, and curious, because I had wanted to see her for some time before I wanted to train under her…but even over the two years that I followed her, it was never to see her in the traditional sense. It was that I wanted to learn from her.
I enjoyed our session, but not quite like if I was submitting for “real”. It was as performative on my part as it was on her part. She was good, and it was fun. But what is real?
What interested me most after, is that she said, “I fully expected to whip you, but for some reason it didn’t feel right.” So she never struck me. I am not a masochist. But this snippet emphasised the dance between top and bottom, domme and sub, sadist and masochist.
We worked together more specifically on her core area of expertise, the intersection of female power, female sexuality, and kink, and had a wonderfully challenging few days together. Mostly through rope. She pushed me, and I have the marks to prove it. Who would have thought that?
She put me in a sub-space of sorts and kept me there for a few days, but it was more like a working session, as if I was detached from my own feelings. Our dynamic was more colleague than kink partner or pro/client.
Through her I have been invited to a series of events which line up with everything in my calendar, and I have understood more profoundly what I wish for my shibari practice and my domme practice. From that perspective, it was and is wonderful.
She is a great teacher for me.
In a weird turn of events one of the Tantric practitioners and teachers I have been speaking to has invited me on a retreat with a group of Muslim women. There will be a small number of us who are non-Muslim. I admire these women tremendously, the inequality and chauvinism they have to put up with. I find them fierce. I felt deeply honoured that a band of fierce warrior women would take this trans girl in and welcome her as their own sister. I can’t wait.
2025 is already booked out through Q1 with trips, courses, and I am enjoying turning this into a lifestyle. How many transformations can one life have?
One thing that strikes me is how many women have helped me, have taught me, have supported me in my development as a domme. It is so different than my experiences of the vanilla business world.
An Invitation
If you are here, something in you has already responded.
This is not casual booking, and it is not for everyone. I work with people who are curious, intelligent, and willing to take responsibility for what they want.
Those who wish to work with me do not request. They present themselves.
Begin here.
About Me
Mx Valentina is a feminist dominatrix, a trans and intersex woman, whose practice centres on ethical power exchange and the conditions under which lives reorganise themselves around purpose rather than shame. Her work is selective and relational, grounded in the belief that submission is not a role to be played but an orientation that must already be present. She works only with those who understand that access is conditional and authority is not negotiated. You can find my scholarly feminist writing on Substack and lighter pieces on Medium.
