My Practice as a Medium and Dominatrix
Rope Bondage, kinbaku or shibari, are central to my practice as a dominatrix. I use many words to describe my practice, and of all of them, medium is the most apt. As all the roles I embody in session, Priestess, Sex Witch, Dominatrix, girlfriend, Reiki Mistress, Somatic Therapist, Tantric Masseuse, Dominant Woman, Shamanatrix…it is being a mediumwhich is the unifying thread. And that thread is most expressly lived in my approach to rope. This piece describes at how I arrived at my practice and how I use rope in a session.
How I came to Shibari
My introduction to kinbaku, shibari, Japanese rope bondage, came at the hands of a talented and cherished dominatrix and mentor several years ago. I loved it. I was there with her, but I was also gone. Gone deep inside. And yet, so present. Watching her, waiting for her, attentive to her, ready, all instinct and no monkey brain.
The Goddess was showing herself to me. And like my teacher, mentor, I do not mistake myself for a Goddess, but know that it is Her energy which flows through me, at times like a mighty river, and others like a celestial shower. And at others not at all.
Perhaps it was her style and the essence of which became imprinted on me as “how to do it”. At the time, I couldn’t imagine spending the time to learn how to tie. It just seemed arcane and complex, a journey of years, and I was busy, with no time for such things. Plus, why learn to tie if being tied felt so good?
I am grateful for a series of experiences being tied within the pro-BDSM scene that led me to my sensei, who was the one who first encouraged me to learn to tie after taking me and my body to places it had never been.
These experiences taught me what it feels like. The bliss. What it should feel like. The balance of pleasure and pain. How it forces you to find places inside of you that ask for your own mastery in quietude.
Not all rope does this. And my experiences showed me that it is not something a rigger (the person who ties) does to you, but rather a dance, one through which you find each other. To be tied is anything but passive, and the talent in both is to yearn for one another.
When Rope Surfaces Memory and Power
The first time my now sensei (Japanese for teacher) tied me I had the beginning of a panic attack, something which had only ever happened to me once before, as a teen, when I got stuck in a tunnel on a caving trip a hundred feet below ground. Both of these also sat on top of an earlier childhood trauma.
And this is the power of rope. As it holds you, it can force you to confront or surface things that you may have kept inside, locked in your body. In the moment I told her I was scared, which was rationally silly because it was only my hands she had tied, but her energy was all consuming, and in that simple act I felt her power. She paused for 5 seconds, and waited until she could see in my skin, my breath, that I was ready, and then continued without a word. And I was fine. It led to one of the most powerful experiences of my life in rope.
I continue to switch in rope with a very small group of people, because the technical skills are one thing, and for those I only ever top, but for the real magic of rope, we must understand energy and communication, and that requires fluency in both directions.
This is part of what I love about rope. And as a somatic therapist, the temptation to bring it into my vanilla therapy sessions is strong. Not sure how my therapy clients would feel about it. Which is why I bring my somatic touch into shibari. It is also part of what drew me to become a Bondassage© practitioner, for sensual touch delivered to a bound body is amplified.
That first experience with the teacher who later became my sensei forever altered my approach to kinbaku. It is not about tying or dominating, nor about the rope. It is about communication and connection, particularly when powerful feelings surface. Being a trauma-aware therapist is central to handling what emerges.
This is why I am so sensitive about who I practice with and say ‘no’ far more often than ‘yes’.
The depth of sub-space my sensei took me to on that evening was deeper and longer-lasting than any other I have experienced. And I think it was so, because through the rope we found something inside of me that needed surfacing. Memories, both conscious and embodied.
My Journey from Student to Rigger
After, she said to me, “I want you to learn rope.” The thought was completely alien to me, particularly after the blissful and profound session we had had.
“But why? I love being tied. I feel so natural in rope.”
“You’re meant to be a rigger.”
“How can you say that after what just happened?” And indeed, she had been tying me for a week with much the same dynamic.
“I see it in your very clearly.”
“I’m not ready.”
“You will be. And when you are, you will call me.”
I’m not sure what she saw or how she knew, but she did. It took 2 years for her words to trickle through and for me to begin the process. And after a year I presented myself to her, showed her what I was able to do, and asked if she would become my sensei.
Men and women teach and “do” rope differently. In the West, we do rope differently than in Japan. Going back to source in Japan has been a highlight of these past years, and reconnects me to an early childhood in Japan which had lain dormant, nearly forgotten. And it may seem strange, but it was my first nanny, a Japanese woman, who has become one of the archetypes for my approach to FemDom.
I study this art form widely, and thankfully have found many wonderful teachers in San Francisco, New York, Milan, Berlin, Bangkok, and Tokyo. Thankfully my sensei indulges my explorations and encourages them, for I still turn to her for the shaping of my style.
It is through rope that my essence as a dominatrix finds its voice. Rope is a tool. As a medium, rope becomes one of the voices I use to channel energy into the body. A mix of Tantric touch, the sensual and trippy part of being a sex witch; witchery from my “vanilla” practice as a witch, a medium, a Reiki practitioner; and the seeing hands of the Somatic Therapist.
There is no chaos here. Improvisation is not the word even though every session is different. It is the body, the person who inhabits that body, which instructs me, speaks to me and shows me the path to follow. We really do dance.
Every session has an arc. This holds even if we tied together before.
What Happens in a Rope Session with Me?
What happens? There are mechanics. We talk about consent, where I can touch you and cannot, about safety, about you. Then I tie, we play, then we untie. We talk mainly if you feel like it. We might have a snack, a cuddle, a cup of tea.
Kinbaku is beautiful to look at. Fancy knots, beautiful patterns, bodies suspended. This is how it is presented. I am trained in that, but it isn’t my practice.
My work is not performance-driven. It is about connection. Being tied by me is intimate. I almost always tie in lingerie. This is also why I might see a client repeatedly for something else but say ‘no’ to tying them, because the dance is between two people who must have body fluency before we begin. There is hope for those who do not, and it is a natural flow from spending time with me.
Most of my rope clients are women. And they often choose to dress like me—when you know that your body will be exposed, you want to look your best. To know your beauty as you succumb to the rope has its own rewards. And many ask to be photographed so that they can preserve the memory of a session.
We work at very close range so I can feel changes in breath, muscle tone, and energy. From the moment we start until we are done I will not let go of you. I will hold you close as I tie you. And based on the conversation we had, your mood, needs, and how I react to those, will dictate the journey we go on. Reaching into the world of the elements, into nature, and through a range of sensations from sound to touch, hard to soft, we will discover what’s there in your body, in the connection between us. It may hurt in places, and sometimes it will just feel good. The variety amplifies each sensation.
It is a lucid dream. Conscious surrender. A lingering caress.
People often admire the marks the rope leaves on the skin, marks which can linger for an hour or longer, depending on how we play. People laugh. People cry.
The Divine Feminine has many faces, many characters. Goddesses are numerous and each has her own unique energy. We may play having invoked the energy of one, exploring what it means to surrender to Her.
Some of the most important elements of our development as humans are attachment and attunement. This is what happens between baby and mother in the early stages of development. There is no connection to my kink practice in this sense, but nearly every one of my rope partners ends up calling me mommy after they have been in my rope. I have never asked, but it feels right.
Rope is a medium through which it is possible to feel these things. Rope gives the physical sensation of a loss of control, and in so doing gives you the chance to explore what helplessness feels like.
What do you do with that? It’s up to you. My job is to help you find it with a most unconventional toolkit and to keep you safe while exploring. And I love my job.
My work is intimate, deliberate, and not for everyone. It is not performative, but intended for those who wish to explore the inner world, who show up with curiosity and child-like wonder, agency, and an active desire to participate in surrender as a means of confronting and seeing the truth. Is that you?
Booking details are available on this site. Read carefully before reaching out.
An Invitation
If you are here, something in you has already responded.
This is not casual booking, and it is not for everyone. I work with people who are curious, intelligent, and willing to take responsibility for what they want.
Those who wish to work with me do not request. They present themselves.
Begin here.
About Me
Mx Valentina is a feminist dominatrix, a trans and intersex woman, whose practice centres on ethical power exchange and the conditions under which lives reorganise themselves around purpose rather than shame. Her work is selective and relational, grounded in the belief that submission is not a role to be played but an orientation that must already be present. She works only with those who understand that access is conditional and authority is not negotiated. You can find my scholarly feminist writing on Substack and lighter pieces on Medium.
